Part Three
Anita Susuri: What was your husband’s family doing or your husband?
Danijela Simonović: Well, it was a working family, they, they had a bit of land, they didn’t, only what they needed for themselves. Late father-in-law used to work at Žitopromet, children were in school, and so you know from their work and, modest family, really modest family. So, they lived off the salary and like that, they were really struggling, fighting while in school, while everyone went their own way and moved on. Well, so, they did nothing, there, even to this day they sold nothing, nothing, they all have their own houses, they all have their own families, their household, so, with spine, hoe.
Anita Susuri: Yes, yes. You, so, when you finished high school, after that you didn’t go on?
Danijela Simonović: I didn’t go on…
Anita Susuri: Then you got married?
Danijela Simonović: I got married.
Anita Susuri: How was the life after that, what kind of marriage did you have?
Danijela Simonović: Eh, like this, so, li, I married here in Batuse, the family house {points the direction with her finger} was at the beginning of the village. We bought this, we made it here. Well, since there were many of us in the house, we went out, we were living privately in Kosovo Polje. I got a job after that at Žitopromet, I worked in Pristina. Well, I was saying, we lived privately in the Livadsko neighborhood, with some wonderful people, it was really a long time ago, but they were great people. After three years I gave birth to my son. So, not right away but after three years I got a son. Otherwise, marriage as a marriage functioned great. We had an agreement, we had, we lived in one room but were happy. A lot. I remember I saved some money, I went to buy a bakestone, I was happy from Pristina to Kosovo Polje. There was no happier woman than me. I, you know, for you to have a house during the time of inflation, in the year ‘92…
Anita Susuri: Yes…
Danijela Simonović: Then life was hard. So, we were working for very little money and so, you had to save a lot to buy something. Until you buy it, the inflation has already eaten it up.
But we were happy! I remember, I swear on my life, in one room in Kosovo Polje, in the Livadsko neighborhood, it’s where we lived, afterwards my oldest son was born there… Rarely, rarely, I know, I meet my friends, girlfriends, they all lack something, they all lack something, you know, they got married, full house, everyone is dissatisfied, and I am all happy! They look at me, “God, how is this woman happy!” In fact, community, love makes happiness, nothing else. Nothing else. And so everything functions as it was supposed to. I was working, he also went to work, our kid was in kindergarten. I worked both the first and the second shift because I was working in a shop for a while, Žitopromet, up there on Sunny Hill, I was commuting. He takes the kid in the afternoon… Really one normal, one normal marriage. And this, agreement. We didn’t start celebrating slava there until we bought this land here in Batuci, and when we came here, when we made the house, then we started to celebrate slava. I mean, but that was quick, so, few years passed.
Anita Susuri: How many years did you work at Žitopromet?
Danijela Simonović: I worked at Žitopromet for eight years, until ‘99, until ‘99. And then when that situation started, there was no one to take care of my son and I had to leave. And after that, well, they accepted me at the clinic, they accepted me here {points in the direction with her finger} because the clinic was close, that women left, she left and like that afterwards. And here, I left to work here to this day.
Anita Susuri: What year did you start working at the clinic?
Danijela Simonović: In ‘99. The end of it somewhere before, before New Year’s. So, when there was a need for workers for this population and all that. That was how it worked out, otherwise, I worked at Žitopromet, where I commuted, where I had colleagues. The first and second shifts were working, I worked with Albanians and with Turks in Pristina, great, okay, so, it was the inflation time, where there was a line for bread, where I was leaving bread, so they were not, I didn’t ask who you were, what you are, you just come, lady or gentleman, they ask me. People work, so, really, so many, I have so many nice words that I don’t know how to, to, to express them, really. So, that’s how life was lived, simply like that, a normal life.
Anita Susuri: Did it influence you all of that, how do I say it, the situation that was happening at the end of the ‘80s, ‘90s?
Danijela Simonović: {nods} It did, it did. Not just me, all women. That left a big mark. We all got older prematurely, we all, I’m not saying we became senile, but you’re overburdened with problems, with fear, so I say (coughs) it’s all gone now, so it’s gone. Now the times are such that we struggle to get somewhere {moves her head from left to right} among the normal world. But that omission that we had all these years, all women, so that you lived in some fear, in problems, in sick … I lost my husband because he didn’t have adequate treatment. I lost one baby who didn’t have adequate treatment. Unfortunately, it’s not just me. There are a million cases like this!
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: But then again I am saying, thank God, let him preserve what is left and don’t let happen again what already happened, but to continue with normal flow, normal life, where, where we are the population, bridges for these children of ours.
Anita Susuri: That’s right.
Danijela Simonović: Where now, I now, there, I am talking with you, where for example I sit down, I am not saying in my old age, it’s never too late.
Anita Susuri: (laughs)
Danijela Simonović: So, that omission I had from the war until about three years ago, I want to make up for it now. Here, to educate ourselves a bit. You know, we need that, so that tomorrow I can be in company with my grandchildren, with my daughters-in-law, and with my sons, and with my cousins, so that you won’t be silly, and you live in today’s beauty, well, in Europe and the whole world is here in this region, at least you know how to go on. And yes, let me tell you the truth, and I love everything that is beautiful. When we already have these opportunities, various organizations … I am saying again, thank you to those organizations that exist, who invented those organizations, those networks, of women and everything else. So, how will women know something, about something better if they don’t go out in society? How am I supposed to take some time off and go somewhere for no reason? How will I go to Pristina if someone does not provide me with a path? So, again, all this is beautiful and I am really saying it means a lot to us women who now, so, are here, we have stayed and survived and all that. Let’s move on, and set an example for our children to be optimistic, to love, to go to work, to, to not look at the nation, but to …
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: To choose friends according to their souls…
Anita Susuri: That’s right.
Danijela Simonović: According to this… Otherwise, no, we didn’t have any major problems. My children are doing agriculture now. By the way, they are working on the land of both Albanians and Serbs and, I will even praise one man, here. So, I am really happy. That is from the nearby village Ence {points in the direction behind her with her finger}, Albanian, we did his land, five acres per lease. We are working for Serbs as well, we worked on 30 acres, we are working not on our land, but per lease.
Anita Susuri: Mhm.
Danijela Simonović: My children are working. My late husband worked, and now my children continued. And now, since this place is susceptible to flooding and the very highway lost the directional flow of the rivers…
Anita Susuri: Aha.
Danijela Simonović: And, now, so, the rain that falls, this part over there {shows with her hand} are floods. So, that’s already a human factor, that is not for example God forgive me…
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: God’s will, human factor, but, and that needs to be solved. And now, we took five acres per lease, land from that Albanian from Ence, where we sowed grain and it got flooded. And the water destroys it. However, okay, you must prepare the rent. 500 euros, 100 euros per acre. And we prepared the money and called the man. So, I need to respect that {points to herself with her hand} (laughs). And he came, we are sitting here in front of the house {points with her finger behind her} with children and I say, “Here you go, 500 euros,” you know, “for the rent. Thank you very much.” He takes the money like this, takes, “Thank you, Danijela”, and now he takes 50 euros out, gives it to the younger son, and those 450 he gives back to me {puts a sheet of paper in front of her} (laughs).
Anita Susuri: (laughs)
Danijela Simonović: He says, “What God takes away, I cannot put a price on,” he says.
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: And, let me tell you, our Serbs didn’t do that. Unfortunately, so, no, eh, I want to tell you, now it means that you cannot judge people by nation, by faith, by religion, by… you judge people for what they are. Here, believe me, so, I have told you one bare truth.
Then, what also happened to me, I was very happy about that, we are leaving Bresje, my children are going by tractor, they are going to Ence, they are going to Kosovo Polje, they are going towards Vragolija, they are going, they are taking risks. So that’s a risk. You have to take risks in life. I say, respect for some individuals, but you, it’s such a time, you have to earn to survive. And we stopped in Vragolija, to buy something in the store, and then, something broke my son’s machine, so he had his hands from oil, he was messy, oh my God, you know how dirty he was! And a gentleman approaches, gets out of an expensive car, “Good day,” “Good day,” “How are you, repairers?” and gives my son a hand {gives her hand}, and this way he wants to, so he says, “Oh, my hands are dirty.” He says, “No, your hands are very clean. I…” he says, “I am glad that a child like this does this because I have been around the world, I haven’t seen this,” he says. And you know, g…, he greets him and says, “I’ve never had a cleaner hands up until now” {slapping palms}.
Anita Susuri: (laughs)
Danijela Simonović: So, when someone is working out of his own sweat and all of that. There, we are trying, you know, to overcome the fear, to go somewhere, to earn something, but, there {shrugs her shoulders} it’s all life. I am saying again, it’s a bit different now, and maybe one can go on somehow.
Anita Susuri: You, you told me that you have two sons…
Danijela Simonović: Yes.
Anita Susuri: Do you also have a daughter?
Danijela Simonović: No, I only have two sons. I have…
Anita Susuri: They live here with you or?
Danijela Simonović: Yes. I have an older son who is married, I have three grandchildren, and a younger one who just finished school.
Anita Susuri: Mhm.
Danijela Simonović: Eh.
Anita Susuri: When your older son got married, did you have that wedding…
Danijela Simonović: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes…
Anita Susuri: With tradition?
Danijela Simonović: With all the tradition and customs. Maybe even some photos can help you if they mean anything to you? Hm?
Anita Susuri: Sure, we’ll take that as well.
Danijela Simonović: Eh.
Anita Susuri: What kind of tradition did you then…
Danijela Simonović: So…
Anita Susuri: Since you didn’t have a wedding, as you were telling us, then for sure you made for your son…
Danijela Simonović: I didn’t finish.
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: I had a wedding there {points in the direction with her finger} where I got married.
Anita Susuri: Aha.
Danijela Simonović: But we got off the topic. So after…
Anita Susuri: After…
Danijela Simonović: Mirba, it was the first week, and then a few months passed, we were waiting for warm weather and our wedding happened.
Anita Susuri: Aha.
Danijela Simonović: But then you had it held at home, in a tent, so, the same with customs, I can tell you about this custom with my daughter-in-law, so it’s the same custom…
Anita Susuri: Okay, yes.
Danijela Simonović: That was also at my [wedding].
Anita Susuri: Sure.
Danijela Simonović: Only then at home you had a wedding in a tent.
Anita Susuri: Mhm.
Danijela Simonović: So, where we were, regular music, you know that one, how they called it, accordion… The music that was used back in the day, so, the accordion, that {shows with her hands in front of her as if holding a big oval object}.
Anita Susuri: Tamburitza orchestra?
Danijela Simonović: Eh, yes, yes! And those from the surrounding places, it was music from the local places and you know, but wedding in a rural way, how can I tell you, so a tent. The rural atmosphere itself and (laughs) a little differently, it was different. And, as for my son, yes, my son also got married, it’s the same, it was the same. We didn’t know the girl. Likewise, going out, having fun, simply deciding to get married, without her parents’ knowledge. But her parents are also good people who also accepted mirba, where we went, so our family, the same thing that I said, sh, concerning the mirba itself.
So, we went to our friends, so, we were carrying a bread cake, decorated pig, so, drinks, rakia, plum rakia, it’s obligatory to bring plum rakia as a sign of reconciliation {makes a movement as if she is drinking} to drink it, to cross over hands, like that. Her family came for the first week here to us. So the brothers, the sisters, the aunt’s sister, the uncle’s. Later, a bit later, a few hours passed and her parents arrived. The same where her mother brought her a basket of flowers, needles the same, a bag, a purse {makes a movement as if holding a bag}, some bring a purse, some bring a bag, an umbrella, slippers, what else, you know, they bring it. The same thing, so, snack, feasting, socializing, drinking, talking, getting to know each other again, “Hey, who is this, your sister?” so the boys are asking around. This is, and here is where young people get to know each other.
And, we had a wedding after a few months. We had a great wedding. Well, all of the customs were at home. So, in the morning, when the wedding was scheduled, we had an appointment at the tavern and we had it at home. My newly weds, my son and daughter-in-law, there, I wanted a carriage, but I didn’t find…
Anita Susuri: (laughs)
Danijela Simonović: Then we took a limousine from Lipljan to drive them. Then, the custom itself starts from Thursday, the wedding. So, when you are carrying the toast to your friend, so to invite, the bread cake, wine, obligatory, wine that you decorate, you add some sugar in the red wine and you decorate it, so, the bottle, the bread cake, lump of sugar, candies, that you put in a cloth, the flowers that are tied up with red and white thread…
Anita Susuri: Yes, the rosemary.
Danijela Simonović: Yes, rosemary too, that’s {moves her hand as if putting something in the upper left part of the shirt} to decorate the guests.
Anita Susuri: Aha.
Danijela Simonović: And this, with which you decorate the bread cake…
Anita Susuri: Aha.
Danijela Simonović: When they are being invited on Thursday. So, we are going with five bread cakes. We are going, we carry one to the brother-in-law, one to starejko, one to our friends, to the host, godfather. Godfather, brother-in-law, starejko, host and brother-in-law, so five bread cakes are being carried out. Five bottles of wine. So, you go, you are there for half an hour, so, “Here you go,” so, the wedding is in progress. But the first bread cake is to be brought to starejko, so that starejko can give the blessing to, that the wedding is starting.
Anita Susuri: Godfather starejko?
Danijela Simonović: Yes. So, you start from starejko. Now for starejko, usually you take the uncle.
Anita Susuri: Mhm.
Danijela Simonović: Back in the day it used to be, families, that’s how the relationships were nurtured, families, neighbors. So, a family, that is a bit respected, another family takes them as their starejko, and they call each other godfathers. But now the times have changed, and you take the uncle, who has the uncle. Who doesn’t have the uncle, then, so, the groom’s uncle, then he takes a good friend, friend, whatever, to be his starejko. So, the wedding starts from Thursday, so with those bread cakes, those invitations. Kondir. It’s like bukrija that is being tied with a shawl, that women’s shawl, it’s decorated with coins, pearls, tin…
Anita Susuri: What is bukrija?
Danijela Simonović: It’s kondir. We call it kondir. I have, I don’t know where it is. Where you decorate and carry {holds her hand like she is carrying something}, where you are calling the villagers and locals and…
Anita Susuri: Aha, yes, yes, yes, I know.
Danijela Simonović: And you are going through the village and carrying that bukrija, you know that kondir, which is fully decor…
Anita Susuri: Like sepet? Exactly.
Danijela Simonović: Yes, yes. Like, fully decorated, full of gifts…
Anita Susuri: And it has a handle and…
Danijela Simonović: Yes, full of wine, for example and gifts, and now you invite a cousin, neighbor, “Here you go, my wedding is on Sunday, come.” And he, he won’t bring it back empty to you, but he puts a towel, a cloth, eh. Those, these towels that come to that who, the guests are being decorated. So, you buy more, it’s filled up, but with that, that as a custom from that which is, that is being decorated, that kondir, that’s how we call it, kondir, so the guests are being decorated, the vehicles that will be driving that day. On Thursday so, when those bread cakes are brought out, toasts, the gate is being decorated.
Anita Susuri: Mhm.
Danijela Simonović: Yes. So, those are flowers, they are sown all year long, various flowers so that you can decorate it more. Now they buy, so they, those laces, it’s being added, but again the village is a village, so every housewife likes to decorate a child when he is getting married, a mother who welcomes, a mother… That is, an act that, in life that feeling happens once. And so there is a basil that is significant to these Serbian customs of ours. Basil, all kinds of flowers, so these are the right corollas, so they tie, and they, they sing. “O, ljubavoj devojko, o ljubavoj devojko…” These are traditional songs when, when it comes to weddings.
Then the, the gate is done. You go for the bride’s things on Thursday, the bride’s [things] are being prepared. That’s where you send your sister-in-law, also someone you have to respect. So usually if you have a sister-in-law or a daughter. I sent my sister-in-law and son-in-law, and my younger son. The son-in-law gave the toast and the younger son with his aunt went for the things. And then we decorate the car, again we sing “O ljubavo i devojko,” that is usually sung by aunts. We see off there {pointing in the direction by hand} where you go for, for the things, so to the bride’s house. Prija also waits like that with a song, decorates the car, receives the guests, so takes her toast, which was brought to her, sent by her friend. Then she packs her daughter’s things, so someone still crochets embroidery, blankets, so everything she needs, well, that the package is packed nicely, it’s being prepared for days, then you call the neighbors for them to see what the mother has prepared for her daughter, what she had crocheted, what she had bought. Some daughters were hardworking, some were not (laughs).
Anita Susuri: (laughs)
Danijela Simonović: Some were schooling, depends. And like that. And they sit there for a few hours, also with the song when they get those things out, also with the song when they are seeing it off, “Oj ljubavoj devojko.” Then those families come, where the wedding is held, the music is playing, and you are also waiting with the song, everything is being waited for with that song, so, as long as the wedding goes on, you sing that song, “Oj ljubavo, oj devojko.” The things that are prepared are being brought out, they are taken to the bride’s room and it’s put on the beds, it gives rays to the bride. So, that’s the bride’s power, how can I tell you, so the things that, it means she is strong. Her family was able, so they sent as it is the custom. And like that, and then Friday, the same way, preparations for the wedding. So, even the customs and when it’s the slaughter time, so, whether it’s lamb, whether it’s pig, and that’s when you sing.
So, you sing everything, whatever you do, to start doing, you sing during everything. Then, hardworking aunts, they are making the pies again, so, when we were preparing my son’s wedding, I wanted the custom at home and I provided breakfast at home. Then we, some {points with her hand towards the courtyard} we put a small tent on the road because the courtyard here is small, and then the godfather. The first one to arrive was starejko, so, he plays when he enters the village {points with her hand in front of herself}, gives a sign that the wedding, you know, that the wedding has started.
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: I feel like crying, it was beautiful. Well, and he arrives, the same thing, son, the song is being sung, but with, the women that we call bačica are here, mešalja, they, you know… Those are the women that make the food on that day. The one called mešalja she, she cooks the food, like, make the bread cake, pies, what is needed, and the one who is bačica, she makes the food for the guests.
Anita Susuri: How, bači…?
Danijela Simonović: Bačica.
Anita Susuri: Aha.
Danijela Simonović: Bačica and mešalja.
Anita Susuri: Aha.
Danijela Simonović: That, I will tell you about them as well. And… and like that starejko arrives. So, he from {shows the direction with her finger} he comes into the village and plays. So, now he is letting everyone know with the siren that the wedding has started. Over there the music has already started playing, but when the music plays, when he comes to the house, the custom is that the girls decorate the musicians.
Anita Susuri: Mhm.
Danijela Simonović: And then the girls start dancing kolo, so and they are dancing. Those are usually towels. And so, she takes a towel, now the girls are aligned and they are dancing with that, one kolo, and now each girl decorates the musician. And that’s nice (laughs) really nice. And, then arrives, so, before starejko arrives, the first kolo is, so, to decorate the musicians. And then bačica and mešalja go. Bačica with ladle, mešalja with sieve. And so, they dance kolo. One kolo and then another one. So, to let everyone that everything is ready, so now {spins the paper in the right hand as if dancing} the time has come to dance…
Anita Susuri: Yes, yes.
Danijela Simonović: So, everything is prepared, the wedding starts! (laughs) Starejko arrives, so, he plays from over there ti, ti, ti, ti [onomatopoeia] done, prepared, we are going to the wedding. He arrives, singing all the same, singing to wait for starejko. They go out, take out the gifts, presents, carry a banner bajrak {makes a movement as if carrying a banner}, flag-bearer… Banner is obligatory, it’s put on the house right away, you take a young flag-bearer, so, if somebody doesn’t have a son, they take someone from the family, young flag-bearer so, obligatory, who puts the flag on the house. The godfather arrives. He also goes into the courtyard, playing. The same thing, the gifts are being brought, cake, pig, it all depends. The brother-in-law arrives, so, those five who are the most important. The host of the wedding, the host of the wedding is also important because he organizes the wedding, when he is walking, where he is going, what is going on {spins her hand in a circle} and the rest. So, these are the five that are very important for the whole wedding. So, without starejko the wedding cannot start. Without the godfather there is no wedding. Without the host, who will organize your wedding. You as a father and mother are just enjoying that day. So, you don’t worry about anything. You leave everything {spins her hand in a circle} to the host of the wedding.
And like that. Then we all set that. Then you dance, you go into kolo, they all dance around, family gets to talk, from, well. Then, they put the breakfast here for guests to have a breakfast. And, the wedding was scheduled. The newlyweds go to the wedding, I didn’t go. The custom is that the mother-in-law doesn’t go to the wedding, not to see her son getting married.
Anita Susuri: In the Municipality or in the church?
Danijela Simonović: Neither in the church nor in the Municipality.
Anita Susuri: Aha.
Danijela Simonović: The mother-in-law waits for the newlyweds at home, and the father-in-law goes with the kids.
Anita Susuri: And why not the mother-in-law?
Danijela Simonović: I don’t know. They didn’t let me go, I swear to my mother.
Anita Susuri: (laughs)
Danijela Simonović: I really wanted to go, “No way! No way! You sit home.” Okay, there, I was sitting home, I waited for my daughter-in-law at home. And like that, the municipal wedding was in the hall, and the church wedding was here in our church, because those are our possibilities now after the war. Otherwise, our municipal weddings were always held in Kosovo Polje, there. And now the circumstances are like that, so that the marriage officiant comes and marries the bride and groom. And regarding the religion, the church is here. So, either Gracanica or well, our church.
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: And so, while the guests are having breakfast, the girls who are decorating the guests are here. Rosemary, you know, the one with the red and white ribbons. Now they have white flowers. Usually the main guests have special flowers.
Anita Susuri: Mhm.
Danijela Simonović: Those are brother-in-law, godfather, starejko, so, these that are a bit more important, I mean, they are all important, congratulations to all the guests. But, so, these that are a bit {implies a flower with her hand}, they have big beautiful flowers, and regular guests have different flowers.
And like, so, the guests are decorated, when the girls are done with decorating, so, no one will take the flower until they give the money.
Anita Susuri: Aha.
Danijela Simonović: You are not buying the flower, but the custom is to put some money.
Anita Susuri: Aha.
Danijela Simonović: And the girls buy something for themselves out of that money. Like for the gold, like, so, to have something as a memory from that wedding. Then the cars are decorated. Those are those towels that I mentioned to you from those… then the mother-in-law usually buys more, you know, now everyone has their car and that… and then you decorate every car, vehicle. But, the special gift goes for example, for starejko’s car you put a shirt, it’s shameful for starejko to drive with a towel. Godfather’s car, brother-in-law’s car, so all of those cars have a bigger gift, and over there it’s only a towel. Again you sing, guests are going to the wedding, it’s being sung, so, the guests are seen off with the song. Like they were walking, going to Gracanica, Kosovo Polje… And now you pass, just to say this one thing, so, it’s hard to preserve the custom (laughs).
So, the flag, so the flag is, starejko is carrying that banner, flag, it’s like let there be happiness for the bride and groom, like, banner that is being gifted. You put the shirt, you put the towel, so the socks, and obligatorily full banner. The apple goes on the banner. My family went so, Batuse {showing the way with her hand}, Lepina, Gracanica, that’s the Serbian enclave. And when they were going through Bresje, since my village is Bresje, for guests to pass there, they had to hide the banner, out of security reasons. I mean, that, we have to do it like that.
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: Unfortunately, but everyone is doing it now.
Anita Susuri: Normally, yes.
Danijela Simonović: And then the column starts going, now you hear from over there {points in the direction with her hand} playing and the wedding arrives. We, at the house, are preparing again the welcoming ceremony for the bride, the bride got married and then you prepare especially for the bride. They arrive at our church that is, the wedding so, religious, wedding, church wedding lasts for 45 minutes. Well, while the bride is getting married in the church, so the custom of the wedding itself and all the rest. And when the bride finishes the custom, when she comes out of the church, she throws the bridal bouquet, she is not carrying the flowers any more, she is not young anymore, girl, but she is married and now she is throwing it to some girl over there {makes a movement as if throwing the bridal bouquet}, the one who catches it, is getting married next.
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: So, it’s custom for people to dance in front of the church. The newlyweds dance around, here in the church courtyard, the youth dance, all the wedding guests, you know, the people rejoice. Then you hear the siren playing and the guests go home. Now, the wine is prepared, a special kind of wine, which the host brings out to the gate.
Now, here comes starejko. The daughter-in-law is not allowed into the yard until the custom is over. Everyone is waiting by the gate. The host prays to God, “Amen, amen.” The godfather prays to God “Amen, amen.” The old man prays to God, “Amen, amen.” So, it’s like how we get baptized {holding up three fingers} you know…
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: The Holy Trinity, it’s like, those three are the most important… And God like, you know… They sing that. Then they open that wine, drink it, the godfather with starejko, starejko with the godfather, they get mixed up, and the guests are let into the yard. The daughter-in-law arrives and gets out of the car. Now, if she didn’t, you know the bride usually isn’t supposed to step on the ground but on some sort of a stake, where she steps on the stake (laughing), jumping, like, she steps on it and jumps over it. The daughter-in-law gets into the yard and they give her a child to pick up. A small child, a male child, that of course needs to be baptized. And she lifts him up three times, and the groom lifts him up three times, she has to give him a gift, that’s called nakonjče. The child is called nakonjče. And she gifts that, that child. Some one piece or something. She lifts him up like, you know {lifting her hands up} turning three times towards the sun, lifting…
Anita Susuri: So she’d have a son?
Danijela Simonović: Yeah, to have a son, to give birth, so that that can lie in anticipation for her immediately. Then, she gifts the child, and gives the child back to its mother. Um, then they put an apron on her head and break bread, the sweet one. So the stirrer brings out the sweet bread. So, the daughter-in-law finishes with, with the male child nakonjče, she gives him back to his mom. So, now, the stirrer brings out the sweet bread where it’s put onto the bride’s head {lifts up her arms while holding a paper above her head}
And where it’s being grabbed {moving her arms left-right}, suddenly everyone breaks it like, you know, how, what… Probably so, so the boys grab onto the other brides or I don’t know, really. But the bread has that kind of meaning. Necessarily, the bread is sweet, not salty, the sweet bread is… And then it’s distributed to everyone in a way that {moves her hand in a circle} like, the locals eat it, everyone watching the wedding, the people gather around to watch the wedding. So like now, she finished that, broke the sweet bread. Now they bring out, they put the sweet bread under her right arm {puts a hand under her left armpit} and special wine. And over here, bread {putting her hand under her right armpit} and moonshine. And she gets into the house, but first they give her grease, pig grease.
Anita Susuri: Aha.
Danijela Simonović: So she {lifts both arms up}, you know, rubs the grease onto the door, so like, the house would be rich, so it’s not poor, so it’s greasy. And like, she enters the house with her arms full. And she enters the house like this {putting her hands like she’s holding something under them} over the doorstep. Usually in some places the groom carries her in, and where the daughter in law is heavier he can’t or he’d crumble (laughing).
Anita Susuri: (laughing) Yes, yes, yes.
Danijela Simonović: So, and she enters the house, brings her in. Now, the bread is taken from her, the one that stirs takes the bread from her. I’m sitting here waiting for the daughter-in-law, I don’t get up to greet the daughter-in-law {moving her hand left-right}, she should come to me {pointing at herself}. Like, she’s the younger one she needs to come to the mother-in-law (smiling). Not the mother-in-law to the daughter-in-law.
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: So, you have the cabbage, the sarma cooking, and the daughter-in-law approaches to stir the dish, you know, to be hardworking, to load the stove, so the hearth doesn’t go out, do you understand me?
Anita Susuri: Mhm, mhm.
Danijela Simonović: So it’s filled with, with fire, so she can keep the hearth going.
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: Do you understand me?
Anita Susuri: Yes, yes, yes.
Danijela Simonović: I was loading it, and she’s loading it. She continues cooking, like she has anyone to cook for, you know, to anticipate her own family.
Anita Susuri: As if passed from one generation to another.
Danijela Simonović: Right. So, like that, now she turns around and looks for the mother-in-law. I’m sitting here on the bed, you know, I was sitting on that armchair. So, now she turns around and comes to my lap. Like, she doesn’t sit on this, but you put her on your lap, like, she leaves her mother (laughing and crying) and she comes to you to accept you as your mother. And I really liked that because I had no female children of my own. And, you know, if it’s someone else’s child, but you, put it in your lap like it’s your own either way. And you kind of play with her a little and gift your daughter-in-law. I got her a necklace, a nice one. I gifted her that. So, I put it on her and all that. So, now she gets up, thanks me and like I don’t have anything to offer to her, but I put a cube of sugar on my right, my right leg so she can, you know, so she can take the cube of sugar and eat it.
Then I took a tray with honey and served it so she can share the sweet with us, so, so she’d be happy, so she has a nice time here. So, that act with the daughter-in-law is done. Now, you get up, go outside, where everyone’s waiting for you, the bridesmaids, the family, they prepared a bucket of water in the trolley, you know, as if to smear it on you, to make you dirty. Someone hangs an onion around your neck…
Anita Susuri: Oh.
Danijela Simonović: Someone a pepper, someone, you know…
Anita Susuri: (laughing)
Danijela Simonović: Like you’re not relevant any more, there’s someone more important than you (smiling). So like, me and my husband walk out the door there. The daughter-in-law gives us a blanket, gifts us a blanket that she brought, you know, as a present and puts it around our necks. We go out, and um, we get washed there, dirtied, our relatives did everything to us, I swear on my mother. In the end they took the trolley and drove us around in the trolley.
Anita Susuri: (laughing)
Danijela Simonović: You know, they didn’t even know what to do anymore. The daughter-in-law comes out – now, here’s where the dancing starts, like, we start dancing, the song, like, we dance kolo, the daughter-in-law starts dancing kolo, like she’s your son. You dance a lot there, you know, you sing a lot there, like, you dance quite a bit there, like you know, you have a daughter-in-law in your house, so it’s custom. So like, the whole custom at home, actually you remember that, if there weren’t a custom, you wouldn’t remember the wedding either. So that’s why us, the mother and father-in-law change clothes, to prepare for the hall. So, at home we kept our religion, our customs and tradition. We went into the hall all proper.
So, we limited ourselves in that, like, so tomorrow they’d learn something to pass on to their children. So that’s why that tradition and that religion upholds our customs, so they’d know what to do with their children tomorrow. How will they, how are they going to teach them? Like, you can’t learn until you feel it on your own skin. Like, the first thing you, you saw it’s nice, being in the center of attention, everyone looking at you, like at the bride and all that. Those are the moments, the moments when… it’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing really.
Anita Susuri: What year was that?
Danijela Simonović: My son’s wedding?
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: 2013.
Anita Susuri: Mhm. So, not really….
Danijela Simonović: No, no, not a long time ago, recently.
Anita Susuri: Not a lot of years.
Danijela Simonović: No.
Anita Susuri: When did you lose your husband?
Danijela Simonović: 2014. After a year. My daughter-in-law was pregnant. He was sick, poor thing. We didn’t really have a lot, for the doctors and all that… a mistake. Life itself is a mistake, you know, here. There, a lapse by the doctors, a lapse of inadequate people, a lapse… what can I say? Horrible…
Anita Susuri: Was it hard for you?
Danijela Simonović: Of course. Still is. For the children too, the children lost their parent. See where we live? You came to Batuse.
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: This here is the end. Behind this are all Albanian villages. Fields, meadows, rivers, everyone who can come, to pass through, can, should save this. Not from the enemies but from friends too. Two months ago they tried to steal the tractor from our backyard. Horrible… {touching her head with her hands} horrible. But it’s different if a host is there, so he’s scared, so you know, he’s here, walking around the backyard. Like this the children and I are alone, but thank God we survived and saved ourselves, really.
Anita Susuri: How are you doing now, how is your life? You work at the clinic now…
Danijela Simonović: Yes.
Anita Susuri: So you told me. You’re also a member of an organization.
Danijela Simonović: Yes, a non-governmental organization Hand to Hand. I joined every single organization I could. Thanks to Nena, really, Nena is a wonderful woman. She recommended me and I have a lot of free time and I love, really, I love to talk to people and get to know them. I also love, like, helping somebody with something, who knows why that’s good.
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: That’s all that’s left. (sighs) Life is hard now, believe me. Life is hard, it’s just, thank God that you can think with one mind before noon and with another in the afternoon. Then a path opens, then it’s different, optimism. My workplace is close, I don’t commute, so I could persevere at my workplace, to be honest. So, you had no commuting expenses, I didn’t have any, so like, it’s close. Within my whole misfortune, at least there’s that luck, and life itself, through all these years, strives not to be lucky. Believe me. I not only denied my children their childhood but I also denied myself the will, the right to a normal life, the right to, to see something in life, to know what’s nice, to hope for something. This whole, “Thank God we’re alive. Thank God we have enough to eat. Thank God we’re all set for tomorrow, we bought wood, we’ll endure the winter.” That’s not life. I have three grandchildren, so three grandchildren, two grandsons, and a granddaughter. I never took them to the zoo, or the movies, or a playroom, nor, nor do we have the means to, unfortunately, believe me.
Anita Susuri: Are you limited?
Danijela Simonović: We’re very limited. So, firstly… freedom of movement is a risk. So, the possibilities are better now than they were before. We can’t all claim we’re lying…
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: First, there’s no public transport {counting on her fingers}, if you don’t have your own car, how are you gonna get around? So you’re denied, you’re denied everything. Like, a lot, for an example, even if i wanted to get further education, the same goes for my younger son. Now, you finished high school… Even if he wants to get a job, how is he gonna work? Where is he gonna go and work? So, you’re limited. Either your freedom of movement is limited or you’re really limited. So, both of these are a big problem for us here. I’m surprised we survived all these years. I am, so, my younger son, my life here was hard. It was hard, you’re not the first here with these cameras.
Anita Susuri: Mhm.
Danijela Simonović: In 2004, our Miloš, my younger son, he was one of the worst asthmatics that lived on a pump. We had no electricity in our village. I don’t know if you, if you all heard. We didn’t have electricity for a hundred days in 2004. I lived like that, with the kids here without electricity for three months. I kept the asthmatic one here here, and his life was in danger, but I didn’t have anywhere to go. To go and sit around the hospital, but how are you gonna sit around the hospital? You come here, you risk, oh God, oh God, you know, we’ve been through so much. Thank the Lord we lived, we went through that too, but none of us is healthy. So… it’s hard, it’s really hard, I… I feel sorry for the youth, we went through what we went through. We can still do what we can but the kids… to continue a life like this, it’s hard.
Anita Susuri: Also the war was really hard on everyone.
Danijela Simonović: Yes.
Anita Susuri: How are you, how were you doing during the war?
Danijela Simonović: Oh, I don’t even know what to tell you, I was working the whole time during the bombing…
Anita Susuri: Were you here?
Danijela Simonović: Yes, I was here, I was working at the Kosovo Polje clinic. We helped everyone, we made no difference, everyone who asked for help, who wanted to stop by, they stopped by and we offered them help. It was really hard, after I traveled with KFOR, with UNMIK, God forbid. God forbid.
To get back to the point, so I ended up pregnant in 2000. I gave birth that year to this younger son too. The Lord himself saved us. Do you know how many women gave birth at the doctor’s? Praise the Lord they were all healthy kids. I guess God opened a path and saved all these sinful souls and all that. If it weren’t for KFOR, we wouldn’t have survived.
Anita Susuri: Yes.
Danijela Simonović: Truth be told, without them, not a chance. I went to give birth, KFOR drove me to Mitrovica. When I gave birth, KFOR drove me. KFOR kept us safe here, there was a KFOR factory [base] for years, anyway if it weren’t for KFOR… I don’t think we’d have any, we had no progress throughout all these years, and there was no chance of surviving, absolutely none. I’m telling you I kept my job because it was directly in front of my house, otherwise, no way.
Anita Susuri: But after the war you still lived here?
Danijela Simonović: Yes, yes, yes.
Anita Susuri: How did you make that decision, was it hard for you?
Danijela Simonović: You know, I left Batuse for about three months. I went to Serbia. I heard there were still people here. I took my son and came back. My husband stayed here, I was with my older son. And I came back. And firmly decided to stay. I’m saying, we never did anything to anyone, only if, if something gets lost and if it’s God’s will to be ours. Believe me, those were our words. We lived a modest life. We only had this shack. We made our house after, in 2004. As God says, so it may be. To go there, and see, and as soon as I heard, that there weren’t any people here who took the risk, and after KFOR, after that it was different. So they, they really kept us safe. But here, I was a little bit safer because they were right in front of our house {points behind her}. And then I was a lot safer. Here, there were also my mother-in-law and the bridesmaids, so we were all sitting here while KFOR was here. That brought me back. So, I really wouldn’t have come back, you know, if I heard that the whole village left. It’s true that three of them, a boy died in our village, he was killed in front of his own house. A lot of things happened here, ooh {shakes her hand}, it’s stories upon stories, but we won’t talk about that. There are families that are damaged, that’s their pain, their family’s story and tragedy and all of that.
Again, thank God that my family is alive and healthy. The fact that we’ve stayed, and that we’re neglected and backwards, that’s another thing, but we managed to survive. But the work itself and life itself, throughout all these years and making a family and nothing from nowhere, and our cow got stolen, a hundred times… like they pass through the yard, take it from you, you don’t know who or what, and the trolley and… The worst thing was when they took my cow, when we lived off that cow, that was the hardest thing, in 2004. So we had no income, nothing, not then. We lived off that cow, I fed my family. They planned it, came at night, took even the calves, they took everything we had. But after, we bought goats and struggled, don’t ask, it was awful, awful through all these years. Again, I’m saying, it’s a little better now. I guess, I’m saying, the people are smarter, reasonable people… came, the ones that show their knowledge as an example and all that. So I hope these children can keep going easier…
Anita Susuri: I hope so.
Danijela Simonović: If they stay here. Otherwise, people are selling a lot, people are leaving…
Anita Susuri: If you have anything else for the end, if you forgot something, you want to say something else?
Danijela Simonović: Well, I wouldn’t know what (laughs).
Anita Susuri: (laughs)
Danijela Simonović: I have a lot of things to say, but I don’t know how to in short lines, to explain it and all. I am glad that you so young exist, with a perspective, to love, to know our customs and to work on the documentation of religions, customs, traditions. It will be saved somewhere and…
Anita Susuri: Yes, it will be.
Danijela Simonović: Yes. And I am glad that you were guests at my house today.
Anita Susuri: Thank you very much!
Danijela Simonović: With pleasure, always.